Mahatma Gandhi and Why Australia Won't Win the Next World Cup

No Glenn McGrath (Adieu, Pigeon).
No Adam Gilchrist (The ICJ throws him into the cooler for violating the Geneva Conventions).
No Ricky Ponting( Bad case of Tennis Elbow. Come on, it's only fair).
No Mr. Cricket(He goes into depression 'coz his average goes below 60 ).
No Brad Hogg( God... I'll have to find out something even for Hogg. Sigh. ).

The Aussies won't be able to cope with sub-continent conditions. They'll get an acute case of Delhi Belly.
We bait them with Shilpa Shetty and have them arrested for kissing in public.
Above all, the Law of Averages(which has been, of late, sinking to new levels of incompetency) catches up with Australia.
See, there's no way they can win the next World Cup.

Okay, who am I fooling... sigh. They'll do it again...

But wait. Here's the perfect plan. People the world over have been burning midnight oil trying to figure out the perfect tactic against the Aussies. We Indians always had it under our collective noses, but only never saw it for what it was.

The answer is Mahatma Gandhi.
We are talking about non-violence here.
In the run-up to the world cup, all cricketing nations should agree to practice cricketing ahimsa against Australia. They should get on to the field all right, but should gracefully(and meekly) lose every match. Every catch should be dropped, every wicket gifted away and every run should be a stroll (not that India need to put in any special effort). Thus, Australia will be completely denied of any competitive International Cricket and will be so rusty by the time the next World Cup arrives that even Bermuda's Under-17 team oughtta be able to push them over.

[Silence]

[Sobs]

I don't see any other way.

[Silence]

[Hysterical Laughter. Curtains.]

PS: 1. This post is dedicated to NickTheGooner who asked me if I had run out of nonsense to blog. I had to prove him wrong.
2. No squash balls were displaced from their natural habitats and/or harmed during the writing of this post.